It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
