i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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