woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
