If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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