Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
