he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Your shirt... Was in my pants
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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