just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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