none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
