The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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