You really coming over, don't trick.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
