Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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