so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
