i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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