The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
