I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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