omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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