i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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