Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
operation harelip BJ is a go
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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