you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Randomize
