I want to have your abortion
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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