Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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