the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize