It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
