Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize