Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
