Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
