Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
