fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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