dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
