Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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