went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
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I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
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HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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