...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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