I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
