Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
