Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
