I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
