Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
