How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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