even the AIR tastes like tequila.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
