Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
That accounts for only three of the penises
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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