The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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