Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
