how can u be prego again
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
