I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
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I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
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I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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