man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
it's like heaven, but drunker
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
