you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
