She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
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My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
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Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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