no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
My ass is underappreciated
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize