Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
