Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Nicole vs. Life
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
