He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
