I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
