When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
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She kept screaming "best case scenario"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
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I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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