we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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