How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
