I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
