Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
