HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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