I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
