I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
