the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
