Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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