i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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