omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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