Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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