Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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