Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
