At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
