But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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