Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
