May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
