Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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