I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
