Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
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...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
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I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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